If I am still your friend...

My joy feels so painfully wrong. Even to laugh or smile. Remembering the yesteryears of being unattached and careless are long gone. Nothing feels the same anymore. Is it wrong to feel hatred for you when all you did was tell the truth to prevent any more pain? I didnt feel any pain before this though. Maybe its me. Forgetting everything would turn me into some hideous egoist. But it's not your fault though. You did what was best for us. I hope. Im still hoping.

Are you sad? Crying? Looking at your phone each time first thing you wake up and before you get your night's sleep. What are you thinking? I wish I knew. But that weakling of the memories won't venture further; ultimately afraid of the answer.

You drop me, I feel misled. Then you wanted back, it was confusion from there. One question; thats all it took to break apart, for the second blow. I didnt even mean for that question to lead to the end. What irks me is I cannot hate you. Hate you for making me cry and yearn. Instead I would equally forgive you for the number of sorry's you have said. Still confused here. What you are sorry for. I feel it was me to begin with, and I don't know why I feel that way. Will you care if I got cuts on my hands again? Or if Im tired and aching from long journeys? Would you listen to my complaints and woes for that day? You'll just want to end the message like Im some kind of ... disease. Though messages from you changes me totally. A little spark of joy from a tunnel of darkness. Even for a little while. Its always been that way for me since then. What about you?

Confusion still lingers. Getting over it is difficult if confusion lingers. Still dont get it..
At times maybe I feel that I dont want to get it.

Probably its the differences. Our different little worlds just decided to collide and pass by. Say hello and goodbye. I dont know whats real and whats not. I dont even know what am I doing stuck at work anymore. Two reasons that does not link to make sense. But fret not,still hoping, hoping you'll stay happy, even in someone else's arms.

I know you love privacy. Doubting anyone would be reading this blog, even you. So its safe, beautiful.